BEST ENGINEERING DIALOGUES

Best Engineering memories!There’s a thing called viva (orals) in engineering that most public (I mean the students) abhor ….why? Firstly we aren’t prepared at all for it, what with all the journals and assignments to write, and the dreaded submissions, and practicals to attend and “other” important work to do (come to think of it we are NEVER prepared!!!!!)

Secondly there’s a creature that goes by the name of external (lunatic out of work profs from other colleges), who conducts the viva, and who are hell bent on making our lives miserable by asking stupid idiotic questions which mostly are out of the syllabus (I mean asking when is Rajiv Gandhi’s birthday in a Fluid Mechanics oral just because our college is named after the leader can only be termed as the height a lunatic can reach, and trust me there WERE plenty of heights reached by members of this tribe)

Thirdly the oral is a process which gives instant feedback to a student on his fate. He comes to know right there -on the basis of questions asked by the lunatic-weather he is passed or if his fate has been sealed because the lunatic prof. who has come to conduct the orals has had a major fight with his wife the morning of the said day!!!

I’ve seen students studying for the orals like their life depended on it. These folks may not take the book in their hands for the written exams but they will learn their hearts out for the orals!!!

Our great mechanical department was mostly based in the basement .so on the day of the viva you would see folks in various body positions sitting on the stairs leading down mugging. The most tensed up items would be roll number one and two (orals are mostly conducted in batches of two).so the first of the two warriors would be getting ready ,reading furiously from 4 books spread before them , asking questions to fellow warriors in rapid static bursts …what’s the Knudsen number? Whats the Navier-Stokes equations? Whats the Bernoulli’s equation? Whats the difference between the two equations? When is Rajiv Gandhi’s birthday?!!!!!!!!!!
Answers are fired back in similar static bursts from all around …the atmosphere is tense the air thick with mystery and tension ….and suddenly someone asks in all seriousness “aaj kounse subject ka viva hai yaar?” there are peels of laughter from all over. This is our in-house official clown cum prankster cum everything –satta.I forgot his real name but even our professors used to call him that.

Once I had the real fortune of going for the Fluid Mechanics viva with this guy (was paired with him because some VJTI prof. had come and he decided to pair the junta randomly according to roll numbers) .Now both of us are as prepared as we can be (read: we aren’t prepared at all) and are really scared to our b@#$$% coz we have come to know via our local prof. that this fellow is a real khadus guy. We go inside wish the external and get prepared to be badgered. He takes my journal in his hand and starts going through the stuff that ive written.

External: nice handwriting

Me (thank god): thank you sir.
He just rushes through the pages n comes back to the first page which is the certificate page and has my name written on it.

External: so your name’s LEONARDO??

Me: Leonard sir

External: ohh so Ur just ‘o’ short from becoming the great Leonardo da Vinci huh? hahahahahah heheheheheheh

Me and satta (both of us thought this was a stupid joke but what the hell the external is laughing for god’s sake so while in lunatic land do as the lunatics do !!!): hahahahahah heheheheheheh

External: so Leonardo what are your hobbies? Do you paint?

Me: yes yes of course sir (I do I really do)

External: Great yaar, nice to know that.

He then proceeds to Sign my journal……End of viva!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Satta who is sitting besides me is elated .He thinks the oral is over for the BOTH of us. But his joy is short lived .External takes satta’s journal in his hand, flips through it and comes to some assignment satta, like the most of us, has copied from some other guy.

External (squinting hard to read what satta has written): Terrible handwriting you have .Tell me the Bernoulli’s equation?

Satta just stares at him like he has been hit by a ton of bricks ….

Satta (what the f#$% is that???): sir uhhhh huhhhhh uhhh Bernoulli’s equation????

External: ok fine tell me the difference between Newtonian vs. non-Newtonian fluids.

Satta (W.t.f??): uhhhh huhhhhh

External: ok write down the Bernoulli’s equation here on this paper

Satta doesn’t know what the hell he is talking; he just stares at him with his mouth wide open …

External: ok tell me which chapters have you studied for your orals today?

Satta (the ever clever genius in making excuses): sir I have a K.T paper tomorrow morning, I was studying that sir for the past three days.

External: ohh ok .which subject is it?

Satta: Applied Thermodynamics-1 third SEM sir

External: thik hain I will ask you on that!!!!!!!!!!

Satta who hasn’t studied a word of that subject either knows that he is in serious shit now …he grabs my hand with his by now sweating hand from under the table and looks pleadingly at me.

External: Tell me the properties of a fluid

Satta: uhhh huhhh properties of a fluid???

External (getting irritated): you don’t know the properties of a fluid???

Satta: uhh huhhhh uhhh hhhhh …………….

External (pissed): get out of here and please come prepared the next time (indirectly saying you’re failed)

External (looking at me): Leonardo teach him some things will you??

Me: yes sir yes sir...

So now that you get a general idea about how our orals are conducted, am gonna give you the choicest of picks from the most commonly used dialogues and phrases from engineering …here goes …

VIVA (b4 going for the orals)
"viva?? Are baba Submission he kiya nahin hain toh VIVA kya ghanta dega??"
“Aaj kounsa viva hain yaar ?”
“Anna aur tholya ko wapaas andar bulaya hain’’
“pagal ye iis subject mein nahin atta !!!!!’’
“External is asking coefficient of viscosity of sea water!!!”

VIVA (after oral)
“daji ke notes mein se puch rahan hain’’
"Salla sab syllabus ke bahar se pucch rahan hain"
" ye aise solve karte hai kya? Maine udhar kuch dusra kiya !!!"
"library mein ye book khatam ho gayi hain "

During Lecture
"Baba (our class scholi) ke tiffin main se wafer nikal… Bahot Bhook lagi hai" (This by the way is a RGIT mechanical special)
"Gaurav tera DOM ka assignment 3 de dal , muje likhna hain !!"
”Journal paper hai?? Assignment likhna hain!!!!"
"Yeh Gadekar ka bhi lecture lene wala hain kya?"
"Yeh kya padha raha hai yaar??????!!"(This is common patented mechanical stuff)

On being Late
(This is a classic..Can be used anytime)
“Train was late"
"Was caught up in the Traffic at four bungalows"(Most Profs who came via this junction would buy this excuse)

SOM/ATD/FMC/MEMC Lab
"Practicals kab hone wala hai?" Maine last time ka Exp. Nahin likha…
(This is a classic)"calculations mein Karna kya hai??"
" sir ne Attendance liya kya ??"

Monthly Test
(on the day of the test)"Aaj kounsa test hai?"
“Attendance compulsory hain kya?”
"Yeh usne kab sikhaya??"

Assignments
KOM ka dusra assg de ….nahin hain? Tisra dein daaal …nahin hain? Choutha de!!!!!!!!"
"Sir Ne MEMC ka last date extend kiya tha"
"extend kiya tha? Lekin mujhe last date pata nahin thi "

Submission
student 1: ye word kya hain? Aise kiv likha hain ?
Student 2: Maine gaurav ka copy kiya hain ...mera assignment chk ho gaya hain …jyada sawal mat puch..chup chap likh daal"
" Ye bhi chhapna hai kya??"
"Iska graph chipkana hai kya?"
(RGIT mechanical special) "Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

EXAM
"ye mat padh ye last time hi poochha thaa”
"Jo main learn karke jata hun , woh paper mein aata hi nahi aur jo nahi karta hai wohi aata hai"
"tere paas Daji ke notes hai??"
"ye question isbar ayega …past paper mein har 2 saal ke baad poocha hai"
" nahi samjha??? Ratta maar "
(RGIT mech special.... when a guy is intensely solving a prblm other guy goes there and tries to understand what he is doing and upon NOT understanding)…. "Yeh nahi aayega !!!"

You know you are from Mumbai when.....

You know you are from Mumbai when.....

You spend more time traveling than you spend at home.

9:47 fast means something to you.

You know what the term "video coach" stands for in the local trains...

You have hung on to your dear life at the local door.

When there's no place to breathe in the trains but there's place to play cards and sing bhajans

You consider the local train "empty" when you find a spot for your two feet to stand on.

It takes longer to get off from your house to the station than from one end of Mumbai to another by train.

Crorepati, Lakhpati, Hazarpati, Chillarpati all travel in local Trains daily-together!.

U think that Delhi copied INDIA GATE from Mumbai’s GATEWAY OF INDIA...

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

You refer to the city as Mumbai and not Bombay.

You say that Pani Puri is waayy better than Gol Gappa's even when they're the same thing

Every three months you look at your street and say "Why're they digging the road again?"

You aren't surprised when somebody throws a water balloon at you while you're walking on the streets during March.

Every time you speak Hindi in front of a Delhitite they have the WTF expression on their face.

Every time a Delhite speaks to you in Hindi YOU have a WTF expression

When while giving directions you say "Right MARO aur wahan pe ek bridge GIREGA…….

You have the following sets of friends: school friends, college friends, neighborhood friends, office friends and train friends, a species unique to Mumbai

When you think everyone who lives to the south(Mumbai) of you is a snob and to the north of you sucks

when u c movie names like "shootout at Lokhandwala" & 'Ek chalis ki last local" & don't have to ask what the name means

when "chalta hai" is the most commonly used word

Everything to the north of Mumbai is UP-Bihar and everything below is Madras

If someone calls u "aap"-- u start laughing on their faces...

when you call the BEST bus, BST, even though BEST is painted on every single public transport bus operational in Bombay

Being truly alone makes you nervous.

You have learnt how to stand in a queue

Stock market quotes are the only other thing besides cricket which you follow passionately.

You prefer saying 'kaanda' and 'batata' rather than 'aaloo' or 'pyaaz'.

You don’t dare stand near the entrance of a virar fast EVEN when you want to get down in fear of being crushed by the deluge that’s just gonna pour in at the next station.

When you enter the train and see that the bench is occupied by just three people (which IS actually meant to accommodate three people) you tell them to “khisak” a little to make place for u to sit.

You think of Chowpatty and Juhu beaches as 'nature'

You haven't heard the sound of true, absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you

u treat Mumbai as a country in itself

when you actually see random people coming to help you when u have a problem

u want to get into the train that is already in motion & u have 5 hands taking u in..

You are back to work next day after the city is bombed - Truly the spirit of Mumbai

When you allow complete strangers to spend the night in your house because its raining outside and half the city is submerged...

WORDLY WISDOM

In the movie Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino who plays a blind retired general asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a magnificent tango. (Al Pacino plays the blind general so convincingly you would be amazed at his acting powers .I saw an interview in which he was asked how could he play the character so accurately and he replied that he did not focus his eyes on anything, but he just put it through his glace so as to make it look like he was blind!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in what each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Congratulations for getting to the end of this message. There are many who would've stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this "globalized world”.

Stumbled on this poem somewhere…… reproducing it below…

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup,

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Don't Quit --- Author Unknown

As a post script reproducing some excellent points from the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho……real pearls of wisdom here…..

* "When you want something, all the world conspires in helping you to achieve it."

* "There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure." (The Old King)

* "At a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fates. That's the world's greatest lie. Whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." (Melchizedek, the Old King)

* "There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe... The soul of the world is nourished by people's happiness." (The Old King)

* "Don't think about what you've left behind" (The Alchemist)

* "It's not often that money saves a person's life." (The Alchemist)

* "It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn."

* "What happens once will never happen again. But what happens twice will surely happen a third time."

* "The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself."

* "If I am really part of your dream, you will come back one day." (Fatima)

I love this song...

from the movie Spirit: The stallion of cimarron...

LOVE THE LYRICS ...LOVE THE MUSIC

Bryan Adams- You can't take me!

Got to fight another fight - I gotta run another night
Get it out - check it out
I'm on my way and I don't feel right
I gotta get me back - I can't be beat and that's a fact
It's OK - I'll find a way
You ain't gonna take me down no way
Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it
Dont' push me - I'll fight it
Never gonna give in - never gonna give it up no
If you can't catch a wave then your'e never gonna ride
You can't come uninvited
Never gonna give in - never gonna give up no
You can't take me I'm free

Why did it all go wrong? - I wanna know what's going on
And what's this holding me?
I'm not where I supposed to be
I gotta fight another fight
I gotta fight will all my might
I'm getting out , so check it out
Ya, you're in my way
So you better watch out

SOME MORE PICTURES FROM MY GARDEN CLICKED FRESH JUST THIS MORNING

ENJOY AND HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND !!!! :)

INCREDIBLE INDIA

Yesterday on my way back from work, I was crossing the railway over bridge to catch the local train back home. My attention was drawn to this tall young sardar striding ahead in his traditional dress which was bright orange in color. What made me and the people around take notice, was that besides the ‘kirpan’ which all Sikhs are obliged to carry this guy was carrying a huge sword (you can see it in the picture on his right side) I managed to click a couple pictures from my mobile camera before he disappeared in to the crowds.

I am Hobbes.

I am ALWAYS Hobbes.

H . O. B. B. E. S .....

I AM HOBBES